Soapbox: To Get It, Ya Gotta Give It

I've titled this post "To Get It, Ya Gotta Give It" because this is the root of so many of our missteps in the way we manage expectations for other people. We tend to approach life with an exaggerated idea of the resources we are entitled to expect from other people - time, energy, money, company, love, affection, sex, respect, etc. Unfortunately, we tend to spend a disproportionately small amount of time thinking about the extent to which we have given enough of those resources to other people to warrant our expectation that we are entitled to receive them.

Do me a favor and think back to your grade school days when one of the first life lessons we were taught was the Golden Rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. When we are taught this as children, the point is that we should avoid treating each other badly if we expect others to treat us well.

As adults, it behooves us to consider this advice with a more sophisticated mindset. We should consider the Golden Rule as our own mindful establishment of parameters for how we should conduct ourselves in relationships, rather than just having the mindset that we should avoid doing unkind things to others.

Here are some things you ought to consider as you devise a strategy for doing unto others:

• Give the resources you want to receive.
• Show appreciation when you receive resources that you didn't expect or that you arguably haven't earned.
• Occasionally choose to give up resources to your partner that you feel like they haven't earned to help build a landscape of positivity and generosity in your relationship.
• Apologize for your failure to give resources that you should have . . . and then try better to provide those resources to avoid breeding resentment over unmet needs.
• Try not to suck.

Long story short: you can only expect to receive what you're willing to give. If all you're willing to give is nonsense or nothing, then you're not prepared to be in a relationship. Work on that.

*hops off soapbox*